Text messaging. Or what the freak.

My phone hates me and likes to make fun of me. Which by the way I recently found out is kind of a hobby for those people around me, but anyways. Every time I send a normal text it jumbles all of the letters up to form sentences and words that leave you scratching your head. For example I try to text someone this message. "Hey would you like to go to dairy queen for a blizzard". The cell phone thought I wanted to say "Hot clouds yut kite to go ta marry queer for a Bologna." And even though marry queer does have delicious Bologna it is not the message I wanted to get across. People think I am talking in code let me clear this up, I hate codes, I don't even like riddles. They are a tool of the simple mind to make other simple minds suffer and eventually explode. Scouts for some reason really dig riddles and love to pull there treasured hum dingers out on camp outs to make there leaders cry. Well I have a message for those boys in fact I will write it in text " Posse blue and smot dop parrot ti" so there. I think my cell phone might have been owned by a spy before me. Wait a second it was my wife's before it was mine. So that is why I have a water torture board in the pantry and all of my mail catches on fire if I try to open it . I think I see now. Porter does not speak gibberish its Russian and leighna is so flexible because of secret operations. And Addy is so emotional because every spy has to be a little edgy. And I am chubby because I am the unassuming cover with a crappy cell phone.