I am going to go somewhere. . . no really!

My parents believed in vacation. I can recall memorible trips from my youth. Mesa Verde, CO and breaking down outside of Salina. A trip to Disneyland in Grandma's Buick Regal with lots of Carpi Sun. My parents are awesome. I was a kick ace Ranger for the Day at Mesa Verde. The California trip marked the end of my sibling rivalry with my little sister. "known in my family as the 11 year war" I can recall my mother threatening the end of the trip and certain lives if it did not call a truce. . . at that the civil war ended. Oh there were flare ups. . . I was 16 when she was 13! Disaster. I miss her every day now. I wanted to miss her every day then. . . Love you Ree! Anyways. . . I go to work and notice people are gone for a week or two now and again. They have a life= They go on vacation. I also have a life, it goes like this . . . wake up. . .Sleep on the bus. . . go into the hospital or school. . . leave for home close to dark . .Fall asleep on the bus ride home. . . Rock Emma and fall asleep in the chair. . . wake up with a stiff neck and go to bed. . . etc. etc. There are variations on occasion, but that is basically most of how my days go. . . So I have decided that, I am going to go. . . Somewhere! Maybe even out of state. . . I know scary. School will be over on August 10 for 16 whole days so. . . I am going to take time off. I know no really. Really. Shut up. I can do it. I can. We will see!

Wipe Out!!!

Oh the joy of watching someone totally turf it in public. It is the purest form of entertainment out there. I can just imagine eve sitting in the garden watching Adam thinking to herself "Gee it would be so freakin funny if Adam fell of that log SPLASH!!!! oh YES it was funny. Hey whats that snake doing." I just finished watching a show completly dedicated to the wipe out and I can definently confirm that it was worth every second. I have ate it my fare share of times. I will always remember Matt coming down a dirt road full tilt to save me and triping the last second... Wipe Out. The time a camaro cut me off on my bike... Wipe Out. The day of Ice off at Kolob res. Trinas first cast off a slick rock.... cold Wipe Out. All of these joined in the funny file cabinet in my mind safe and protected. No foam padding or helmets required for these doozys.

Organized Suffering

I submit that there are many things that we all do that could be classified as organized suffering. School is the most prominent example that I can think of. Some masochist void of morals and reason sat down and came up with the format years ago, sad and alone. This person was alone because of their general lack of joy. Their thought process must have gone something like this. . . lets have them write notes on total crap. . . balancing heavy books on tiny desks. . . with boring teachers. . . etc. etc. etc. The suffering has become more subtle over time they used to use the paddle, but then that became to obvious. Work can be organized suffering on some days for all of us. Alarm clocks are basically a habit of organized or requested suffering. Yet, we keep setting them so we don't miss our organized suffering. We would not want to be late.

The appropriate chuckle

I have a disease and I am pretty sure that my whole family has it some worse than others. It is a case of the look for the funny comment in every situation even the serious ones and no matter how hard you try you can't keep it in. Kind of like the kid who thinks they would win american idol always busts out in song but not quite that annoying. Like for the other day for instance I was taking my CDL exam and I was supposed to pull forward and then back up into a different lane, Well I pulled forward and pretty well went crazy and ended up in the same lane I started out in. The guy giving the test explained my stupid mistake and I had to open my yap and say Yeah its the wrong lane but I did it wrong so well. He was not amused. But despite my punniness he still passed me the second time around.

The other guy I am always trying to get to laugh is our local family practitioner. Its not that he is a grumpy guy its more of the fact he thinks I am a little retarded if not retarded at the very least a little slow. When I had a bump on my back I told him I had a strange desire to ring bells and speak french. He did'nt think it was that funny or he did not get the hunch back thing.

Well in the end let me give the list of generally non funny places.

Accountents. Nice guys, check. good with numbers, check. efficient with a calculater, check. Funny guys great at parties, uhh maybe not.

the Temple, never a good place for a laugh. I sure hope the lord has a sense of humor. most temple workers don't. It is a temple not a chuckle factory darn the disease.

The DM.V

So scared

I am convinced that my child has super hero hearing after dark. I have come to this conclusion because every time I lie down she starts to fuss almost to the second. Are bed is not squeaky, so I think she must hearing a decrease in my respiration rate or something. The sad thing about it all is that it is a trap. . . she baits me. She fains cold or injured to lure me in like a fat kid to a twinkie. Sure enough being one of those kind of kids I take the bait everytime. As soon as I crack the door and she sees me she smiles a smile as if to say. . . HA It is so easy. . . Silly man. . .now come play with me. In reflection, I must admit that I am so scared by her control. Sure her mom controls me but I am used to that. She has tricked me into thinking it was all my idea years ago. I wonder if they have disscussions about it all when I am at work. That would explain why I am the one sent everytime. I bet if I snuck back into our bedroom, I would hear Karen laughing at me a little from beneath the sheets. HA It is so easy. . .etc. OH, wait I must go. . . Emma needs me.

Text messaging. Or what the freak.

My phone hates me and likes to make fun of me. Which by the way I recently found out is kind of a hobby for those people around me, but anyways. Every time I send a normal text it jumbles all of the letters up to form sentences and words that leave you scratching your head. For example I try to text someone this message. "Hey would you like to go to dairy queen for a blizzard". The cell phone thought I wanted to say "Hot clouds yut kite to go ta marry queer for a Bologna." And even though marry queer does have delicious Bologna it is not the message I wanted to get across. People think I am talking in code let me clear this up, I hate codes, I don't even like riddles. They are a tool of the simple mind to make other simple minds suffer and eventually explode. Scouts for some reason really dig riddles and love to pull there treasured hum dingers out on camp outs to make there leaders cry. Well I have a message for those boys in fact I will write it in text " Posse blue and smot dop parrot ti" so there. I think my cell phone might have been owned by a spy before me. Wait a second it was my wife's before it was mine. So that is why I have a water torture board in the pantry and all of my mail catches on fire if I try to open it . I think I see now. Porter does not speak gibberish its Russian and leighna is so flexible because of secret operations. And Addy is so emotional because every spy has to be a little edgy. And I am chubby because I am the unassuming cover with a crappy cell phone.

That is like so totally Awsome and Amazeing like totally!

Today was a graduation day at SUU. Mandy and her new hubby Kevin graduated and a hardy congrats to them.
What the freak is up with graduation ceremony's. Pres Monson gave a amazing speech despite the fact that from the moment he stood up till he sat down the sentrum looked like the paparazzi at the Oscars. Flash flash flash flash flash. For a second I thought I would have a Cesare. But besides his awesomeness the student speaker was lets say very middle school commencement ceremony. I think she used more Awesome and like totally amazing than the entire movie Clueless. She was in rare form . Unfortunately one of the students had passed out and was receiving some medical attention so that distracted us from her speech. I hope the girl recovered and I would like to thank her for her distraction she really took one for the team and definitely earned that diploma. The only thing that would have made it better would have been a stirring rendition of "I believe I can fly" that is a definite sign of a quality graduation ceremony. I think all graduations have a rule to be a certain level of boring. If they were not boring the students would be terrified to leave but after three or four hours of torture they are more than happy to blow that Popsicle stand.